Ah, Spring, when a young humor writer's thoughts turn towards... James Brown? Don't ask me why, but for whatever reason, The Godfather of Soul, the Hardest Working Man in Showbiz inspires some of April's best humor writing.

MY shopping bag:
Two DVD's are the highlight of this week's releases for me. The Pixies DVD includes a 1988 live show, several promotional videos, and two documentaries, and the Kids In The Hall. i know people were not horribly impressed with Brain Candy, but I'll chalk that up to all the jokes from the series that went over their head.

Questions:
has anybody seen the ad for the special on VH1 called inside out? Where trey and dave matthews go to Africa and learn/play with tribe members? Does that title have any relationship with inside in (mike Gordan’s solo release) outside out (gordan’s movie)?

Why does every cooking show have the most masculine hosts and all home-improvement shows have the most effeminant carpenters?

Rant:
Plastic Surgery + Beauty Pageant = Uh Oh

Last night, before any bands started playing at the Khyber, the tv was showing the Swan. First of all these girls are average looking and would look good with some make-up and a little weight loss. Why is the extreem of pastic surgery always the first thing concidered? It must have something to do with Amereican society. The quickest answers are the best mentality
I also find the gratuitous shots of patients pumping iron while still in recovery from their face lifts disturbing. These poor women are on the treadmill, sweating through the bandages wrapped around their heads! Not only does it make me queasy ... it makes me feel really lazy: a paper cut is excuse enough for me to skip the gym.

Does The Swan represent a new low in reality TV? Maybe. But here are three ways to make the show even more absurd...

#1. Ambush Them
Believe it or not, some people don't realize they need cartoonishly large breasts. Why not have a camera crew force your friend out of bed in the middle of the night and strap her to an operating table against her will?

#2. Celebrities
D-list actresses should face off for May sweeps. Kathy Griffin would totally do it.

#3. Fake Doctors
The surgeons should be as inexperienced as possible. The audience would root for them and the patient. And if the result is a botched nose job? Well, that's just comic relief.

And at least use trick mirrors at the on-air reveal! Why not Punk them a little? They did just get thousands of dollars of free cosmetic surgery. Fox is missing an opportunity here.

Don't even get me started on I Want A Famous Face.

THE EXCEPTION THAT PROVES THE RULE
"War of the masses, the outcome,, disastrous / Many of the victim family save they ashes / A million names on walls engraved in plaques / Those who went back, received penalties for they acts / Another heart is torn as close ones mourn / Those who stray, niggaz get slayed on the song." - GZA on Wu-Tang's "Triumph"
Pat Tillman was no doubt a hero. His case is certainly heartbreaking, and due to his unfortunate death, the fact that he turned down millions of dollars in the NFL to risk his life in Afghanistan brings several tough issues to the forefront
Tillman's death coupled with the Tami Silicio photo story has refocused the media (for the time being) on the human toll of the war. But the fact that a professional athlete's death received major media attention does not mean that he was more of a hero than any other soldier.

The military is not a microcosm of our society. African Americans make up 12% of our population, yet 22% of the military. Numbers are similar for other minorities. Rich Americans simply do not serve in the military, and the burden too often falls to lower middle class citizens who don't have any other options. With all the talk of a possible draft, it's easy to lose sight of the fact that even the people who enlist aren't really doing it because they want to, but rather because they have to.

After 3 1/2 years of irresponsible economic policies that favor the wealthy at the expense of the poor, many have come to the conclusion the only way that they can make enough money for themselves and their families is to risk their lives in combat.

Just like the administration's other policies, this one works because the people most affected don't have much clout with the mainstream media, aren't big campaign donors, and aren't very likely to vote.

Tillman's sacrifice certainly didn't go unnoticed. But what about the rest?